Year upon year I get to the start of the summer and feel the buzz of what is to come, a huge wealth of hope and excitement bound up in the next few months. But more recently by the time August hits, I’m somewhat gloomier, less carefree and more melancholy that the summer will soon be over and all the warmth and happiness is coming to an end.
So what is that about?
Autumn has always been my favourite season and more than that, I’ve always relished each season for what it is and enjoyed the frivolities each one has to offer. So why the change, why do I suddenly feel so despondent and less cheerful towards the end of summer? Is it age? Am I getting more caught up in the fear of time passing too quickly?
I’ve wrestled with this one a lot recently.
Of course the passing of each year, means another year older, but I think there’s more to it than that. Two of my children are at university. That is an adjustment in itself. It’s a hard pill for a parent to swallow, no longer are you guaranteed the daily presence of your children in the house. The hustle and bustle, trials and tribulations of kids growing up that fills your house with noise and laughter, shouting and tantrums, replaced with an eerie silence. A gaping hole that takes their place.
So herein lies part of the answer to the lament of summer. The realization that once again they will be leaving to live their lives independently with less requirement from me. I’m not sure you ever really get used to that. It’s a bit like a bereavement that you learn to live with that lessens gradually over time. You are left wondering what they are up to, are they looking after themselves properly and, most importantly, are they happy. Meanwhile, they are living their best lives with not a moments thought about what is happening at home.
Yes we are lucky enough to live in the mobile phone era, facetiming, texting and general contact is much more accessible, but its still a two way thing. You both have to be on board with it and for the parent, that means trying to strike the balance between keeping a respectful distance to give them their freedom and fighting the needy urge to talk to them more often. The ideal is contacting them at the right level of consistency that evokes a genuine desire on their part to chat, rather than it being an eye rolling obligatory chore.
Perhaps another cause for the down in the dumps end of summer mood is the realization that I’m stepping further away from the more carefree heady days of my own youth. Before responsibility, daily grind and energy levels dented the fun and social parts of life substantially. Friends are no longer so up for having it large and going out, out and society is significantly less accommodating to the older midlifers unless you’re prepared to attend a ticketed event. This is even more deeply embedded during the more wintry months with darker mornings and longer nights.
So what to do?
Well, first of all remembering that there were many times, when the kids were growing up that I dreamed of this time. A time when they were less dependent, less reliant and took up less of my time. I longed for this freedom. It may be bittersweet now, but then I think about how much more time I have in life without the commitment of the school run, the endless after school clubs and the free taxi service I provided in the wee small hours, for the crazy whirl of social events.
Taking a moment to think of all the battles, the boundaries and the hard work and energy, as parents, we invested to produce the independent young adults we see before us that are beginning to forge their own way in the world, is rewarding indeed. Despite the wrench of them leaving, there is a certain amount of satisfaction to be felt.
They may not need us quite as much physically as they used to but don’t be fooled that you are surplus to requirement. You have now become the human google, if you will, the encyclopedia of knowledge and wisdom they may not willingly acknowledge they need, but the safety blanket they are glad they have, to tap into if needs be.
One other positive observation I have made from my own experience, is it is wonderfully gratifying to see them go off still a child heavily influenced by you, and return having grown into the person they are meant to be with their own opinions and life experience. It is an interesting transition for everyone involved.
Time definitely demands adjustment for all walks of life. Your youth may feel like a lifetime ago but there is something to be celebrated in making it this far and realizing everything you have learned from living your life to this day. It doesn’t have to mean the fun police have crashed the party and put an end to the festivities. It just means that enjoyment and socializing is packaged a bit differently now but there is still plenty of fun to be had.
Taking advantage of the new freedom and capitalizing on opportunities for different social experiences can bring a fresh perspective to life. Yes it may be different to everything that has gone before, but that is the beauty of it. A change is as good as a rest as they say and maybe that’s all you need to start filling in the gaping hole.
So bring on the new season, I was getting bored with the heat and the summer fashion anyway! I’m ready for the cozy blanket of autumn. Wrapping up for long walks, sitting by the fire with a hot drink and chatty evenings in the pub. Besides the kids will always come home for some home cooked grub and a decent night’s sleep, so they can go back equipped with a complete food shop and all their washing done. And because deep down they do miss you and the safe security of home, more than you think.
So time may bring change, but maybe it is for the better. Far better to enjoy the day to day instead of worrying about what has gone and what is to come. Living in the moment will guarantee that you don’t miss a minute and embrace all that life has to offer. Lesson Learned. I don’t need to turn back time and chase all the yesterdays, I need to enjoy the present and see what today brings.
Final thoughts
Time is a funny one. We think it’s infinite but everything has an end. Ironically in worrying that it is passing too quickly, we are helping it along its way. Better to look back and reminisce about how we spent it, than dwelling too much on feeling down about what has gone, that we end up wasting today. The key is to be in the moment so we get the enjoyment out of every day.
Slowing down and enjoying life fulfills the sense of where you are going and why. Time is one thing that is not guaranteed in life and we are lucky to have it. Celebrate what has passed and be grateful for what today brings. Live in the moment and be present in every minute, is that not the best way to spend your time?
PS “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” Abraham Lincoln. Seize the day Contact Positive-Soul